Someone was vindictively posting negative reviews on all of Sue’s books on amazon. I decided to bump their review by posting one of my own, following the ‘Three wolf moon’ meme theme:
I think the book is great, by the way.
I used to be a happy-go-lucky guy with a successful career as a de-boner in an abattoir, I had a wife who cooked my food, and a son who was obedient and fetched me my beer. But all that changed.
One day my dealer hid my oxycodone pills in a copy of Sue’s book – and while I was drooling pools of saliva into my own bellybutton, completely whacked out of my mind and therefore incapable of stopping her, my wife read the book. I didn’t even know she could read, so I should be excused for not protecting myself and my marriage by burning it immediately.
As I neared a groggy state of consciousness, she started asking me questions like: “What is your unconscious positive intention behind your prescription medication addiction?”
I tried to explain that my intent to remain unconscious was positively ruined by her incessant nagging, and punched her in the face (I am embarrassed to admit that I only landed a glancing blow as my hand-eye co-ordination was understandably impaired). She told me that she was sick of me hitting her, and that she was leaving me. I wasn’t too worried though, I knew she was completely unemployable because I knocked her up in junior school and she’d dropped out to look after Wayne, our son.
So I waited patiently (and hungrily) at home for her to return, but she didn’t. She has become a successful coach and corporate trainer and is sending Wayne to a fancy private school. She even cut his mullet. Now I live off scraps of uncooked gizzards from the abattoir, which I try to make palatable by mushing them up with my meds and a dash of beer. It doesn’t work – it tastes exactly as bad as it sounds – squelchy and crunchy. My life is terrible – and I have Sue Knight to blame for my horrible existence.
I think Sue should be banned from teaching communication skills to people, I mean, I know that she thinks she’s doing the right thing, but she should be aware of the people that suffer as a result of her effective and accessible writing style. The worst thing is: My wife took the book with her, so I can’t even hope to gain the clarity of perspective and communication that she has achieved and gain control over my life and the relationships within it.