I was feeling disconnected from the world because my fancy new phone was out of credit. I went to a Nokia dealer in a spanky new shiny mall and asked him if he sold Vodafone credit.
“Do you want to do it the easy way or the hard way?” He asked.
Bewildered, I gave the predictable response: “The easy way.”
“Not possible” he replied.
“Okay, the hard way then.” I acquiesced, feeling sure we were already doing it the hard way.
“Where is your phone from” he asked.
“Mumbai” I said.
“Not possible.”
Here is his loveable helpful self
This is not an unusual occurrence in India, and it usually frustrates me enough to write a rant blog. Luckily for Nokia dude, I’m trying on something new. Rather than rants, I’m committing myself to writing blogs that are positive and life-affirming rather than critical and cynical.
India is obsessed with relationships and interaction, and that takes precedence over efficiency and accuracy. As a westerner I am befuddled by the rather pervasive Indian habit of offering multiple options to somebody for whom those options aren’t available. It seems inefficient and absurd.
Indians love to have a variety of choices available to them, and expensive restaurants will cater to this by having menus that number over 200 options of food. It is unlike the west where the fancier you go, the less options there are.
This obsession with choices permeates every area of life, and in large part explains the prevalence of corruption. If told there is only one way to get building permission, the Indian mind will always look for another option, following its other great love: Building relationships.
To Nokia dude, talking me into circles is not wasting time; it’s having an interaction that he values. I get the impression that the quality or tone of the interaction doesn’t really matter, either. One only need see how Indian men become when screamed at by western women to be certain that they’re aroused the intensity, and barely concerned by the content.
Similarly, if you’re sitting by yourself reading or typing or just musing, Indian people will take pity on you and come over for a chat about your country of origin, marital status and sexual proclivities. It’s their way of showing you that they care. It comes from a wonderful and caring place.
There is an avenue for further frustration: Nokia man can give me credit. I know he can, but I’m upstairs blogging about it instead of downstairs buying it. There is a further element to Indian culture: Inaction is always preferred over action.
Westerners usually come from ‘one shot’ religions, which offer only one lifetime in which to get your stuff done. These religions favour action in order to have been as good as possible before being dead and incapable of doing anything ever again.
Eastern religions have a ‘keep going till you get it right,’ Groundhog Day kind of mentality. To live a good life is to live a blameless life, which often amounts to doing less bad stuff. Doing nothing is preferable to doing something wrong, which is why there is a heavy preference for inaction (particularly if you have an eternity to get it right). Meditation is the art of spending as long as possible doing and thinking absolutely nothing at all.
As a result, downstairs Nokia dude is unsure about whether selling me credit is the right thing to do, so he is not going to do it than to risk it. As a result, he’s one sale poorer and I’m disconnected from the world. So be it.
The positive to all of these cultural quirks is that Indians are very ecological, in the environmental and the ethical sense. They are not prolific consumers, they are selfless and inclusive, humble and kind.
It still drives me nuts, but I just wrote a blog about how lovely it is, in keeping with my commitment to focus on positives. Hell knows how I’m going to upload it without an internet connection (via my awesome HTC HD2 phone which can become a WiFi hotspot, when it has credit).
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fascinating observations about different approaches to a situation and how those approaches are rooted in cultural background.
in the spirit of your blog, i thought i’d reply about one sentence “…preference for inaction. Meditation is the art of spending as long as possible doing and thinking absolutely nothing at all!” which slightly annoyed me. For me, and I am relatively new to it, meditation is about concentration and single minded focus; so I believe I am practising concentration and focus in its purist form, resisting the tempting pull of distractions and remaining focused on “nothing” for as long as i can. It doesn’t feel like inaction to me, its like when I am balancing on one leg, I may look still, it definitely doesn’t feel like inaction. I have found that as I have repeatedly practised meditation my ability to use focus and concentration in other areas of my life has increased greatly.
I love your commitment to focus on the positives, its a skill I greatly admire and believe gets you a long way in life; which is probably why I learning how to teach it to children.
thanks for sharing your experiences, looking forward to the next blog…
I will not apologise for annoying you, because I must admit that I am somewhat intentionally provoking a response. I stand by my comment, but will add that I was not putting a value judgement on inaction.
I think in paces, (many places) inaction is an ecological and important state of being. It allows you to center yourself and reconnect with who you are, but at the same time you aren’t consuming resources.
Our insatiable hunger in the west could learn something from the ecological and responsible nature of inaction found here in India.
Meditating is an admirable behaviour, and if I had the mental fortitude to stick with it I too would meditate regularly – because I know it’s not easy. I’ve tried!
I’m glad you’ve enjoyed reading and I’ll endeavour to honour your readership.
I fucking love your stuff dude…I particuarly liked the one about how behaving like a cunt = is what girls call ‘confidence’ that made me laugh. I have been espousing a similar theory for years to any women who will listen that they do themselves no favours by always preferring an alpha male with multiple partners over some loyal sap who worships their every breath – the same sort of guys who they dismiss as being wimps…
BTW do us a favour and link to my website http://www.thecomedypimp.com/ some how so it comes top of the listing when someone types in Comedy Pimp to google thanks!
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Harry,
Delightful as your writing is, I must say this post goes from focusing on the positives to taking someone’s else’s vagaries.AFAIK there is no reason you cant buy credit for your phone there in Kochi. That said people do like to play “firangs”.
Its really a bad idea to interpret everything in terms of religion.This is something a lot of westerners are prone to do. Yes eastern religions think in terms of many lifetimes, but your understanding of religion and meditation is not very good,it doesnot justify our lack of action (FYI the whole of the Gita is a call to act) on the contrary it gives us Karma, a powerful metric to choose what to do.
If I were you I would just find out why he couldn’t sell me credit or try another shop.As an Indian, it hurts to see someone read one person’s actions as a philosophically justified way of life of a billion people.
Thanks for your comment Nik,
I think religion is a good metric by which to measure the mindset of a people, because the people of India invented Hinduism and have lived by it for thousands of years. It explains (to me) a lot of what goes on in India.
Sure the Gita may be a call to act, but as I read it, that call to action takes the form of a very very very long conversation between Arjuna and Krishna about the merits of acting. The effect is the measure of any communication. The Bible teaches acceptance, but Christians are not very accepting of other religions. The Koran teaches peace, but the effect of its writings is often un-peaceful.
Again, I think it is important to re-state the fact that I think lack of action, lack of insatiable desire to consume, lack of motivation to out-perform everyone else is a good thing. I think the fact that very often shopkeepers will happily do without a sale for fear of getting something wrong is a very ecological and sustainable way of being.
The west is consuming itself and drowning in products which undermine their sense of self, drive them to depression, which they then feed with more drugs that propagate more depression. Depression in India is rare, as is medication for such conditions, because very few Indians are driven to desperation by their desire.
India has many good and many bad things that happen within it, and one of the unfortunate effects of colonialism is the fact that Indian people are often sensitive about being analysed by foreigners. It is important that Indian people start becoming realistic about who they are and what goes on within India, for the overwhelming truth is that they’re wonderful, loving and powerful, but there are unfortunate undersides to that truth too. You must accept them if you wish to grow.
HILAAAAAARIOUS!!!