Through the pulsing haze of smoke, a stunning Thai girl was dancing seductively and whipping her hair at me.
“She’s gotta be a hooker” I told my mate Hale.
“Nah, she just thinks you’re hot.” he retorted.
“I know how hot I am mate, and I’ve never been that hot, particularly not in the eyes of someone like her”
Hale’s been one of my best mates since school days. He’s fully Australian to Vietnamese and Korean parents, so he looks Asian and sounds Aussie. He’d moved to Vietnam and found himself a gorgeous Vietnamese girlfriend, and he was certain that the best way for me to get over a certain Aussie girl was to find myself a nice Asian one. I wasn’t too averse to the idea, because some Thai girls are bloody gorgeous, and funny, but the idea of paying for one can go to buggery (Buggery is not a real place).
Sure enough, after some prolonged eye-contact and a little bit of a dance, the sexy Thai girl said “I think you think don’t pay me” – which I relayed to Hale. Hale seemed to think that meant she didn’t want my money, I was fairly sure it meant she did want money, but was uncertain whether I was going to give it.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with prostitution, it’s just not for me because it removes the most important element of coupling: The chase, the uncertainty, the conquest. For me the physical act is hardly enjoyable without that wonderful knowledge that this gorgeous girl has chosen me – and that is valuable for exactly the same reason that the sex trade is huge business: Because women are crazy and unpredictable.
My explanation for the lunacy of womankind is as follows: Girls always go for the wrong guy, so if you’re the right guy you’ve gotta pretend that you’re wrong to get her. The right guy sees his girl and the rest of the world goes out of focus, the music starts, and he gets all doe-eyed. He showers her with attention, compliments and completely forsakes all other women, hell, a really enamoured right guy doesn’t even look at other girls. But despite the bullshit that stupid rom-coms try to feed us, the reality is quite ugly. Girls hate nice guys.
It is the age of the alpha
Girls go for guys that don’t need them – because girls go for alpha males. Alpha males enjoy the attention of many women (that’s what makes them an alpha), and can’t afford to invest themselves with just one. For that reason, he values them all that little bit less – he’s less attentive, less complimentary, and generally less attainable. When girls say they love confidence, that’s what they’re really talking about.
And it drives us nuts. It’s bloody nightmarish and annoying even if you can gain that toehold on supremacy and ascend to become the alpha. That alone is hard, you’ve got to be permanently on your game, responsive, perceptive, funny, loud and confident – but once you’re there, and you have the choice and you can get the girl, you’re still bound by the same ridiculous rules that got you there.
If you start showing her too much attention, you immediately relinquish your position of power and tumble back down into the bickering and snarling ranks of the betas, to be stuck there until you change social group because your descent is always more memorable than the climb: “What did she do to him? He’s an empty husk of the man he used to be.”
But the legitimately nice guys that girls always whinge about not existing are out there, frustrated and invisible. They are the shoulders you girls cry on when another asshole alpha brushes you aside for one of the other girls in his bevvy. Through that act he reinforces his value as an alpha – and that smashes your heart to pieces, because his betrayal only served to make you want him more.
At that stage, quite often the girl will turn to her beta best friend and give him a go. After all, she needs a confidence booster – and he’s always reliable when it comes to telling her she looks great, and he always calls when he’s meant to, and maybe that’ll be fun for a change. At this point, sometimes, there comes love – real love, if there’s time.
But it’d better be quick, because the asshole that just dumped her learns of this relationship and suddenly fears losing one of his harem and lowering his value, he quickly starts charming her again, sending her messages filled with flattering platitudes. Shocked by his sudden change of behaviour she thinks “He never did this before, he must’ve changed” and goes back to him. Then follows a horrible, ego destroying hell-ride which he, she and the beta finish only to find that they’ve lost all their friends and they not only hate themselves, but also each other.
Boys have grown up through school with the girls their age all dating older guys, losing their virginity and then blubbing endlessly about how all men are assholes – and then we see it: It’s not a coincidence that the nice guys are all single, girls don’t just coincidentally happen to find themselves dating prick after prick, they look for them.
It’s why ‘The Game’ is such huge business, the pick up artists, the social seduction gurus, the dodgy NLP dating guides, they all make a fortune teaching these pseudo-alpha skills to beta males. The trick is to learn how to behave like an alpha to get the girl, and then be happy becoming a beta when you get her. The problem is that the regression isn’t nearly as fun as the ascension, and turning back isn’t always desirable.
Plus there is the fear that after a long emotional history of being rejected, the trained up beta won’t be able to avoid the sneaking suspicion that there must be something wrong with her, that old Oscar Wilde feeling of “I would not belong to a club that want me as a member”
There is a third choice. Nerdy, pudgy, old and socially inept men from all over the world come to Bangkok to experience the only exception to the mind boggling absurdity that is the female brain. Here, those thoughtful, kind, considerate pathetic betas can find a gorgeous, funny, young Thai girl – and no matter how nice he is to her, she still likes him. Even if he buys her a nice piece of jewelery, takes her for a romantic meal and lines her pockets with cash, she’ll still love him. Finally, he can treat a girl the way he wants to, and she’ll appreciate it.
Sure, it does seem a bit weird to me that they take their hooker our to dinner, where they hold hands and gaze longingly into one another’s eyes, but on another level I totally get it, and it’s all your fault, women. Be less crazy.
Reduce craziness by half.
Sure, there are exceptions. There always are, two of my closest friends are a remarkable exception – but they aren’t nearly as enjoyable to write about. The fact of the matter is that guys as quick at it as me are biologically capable of creating babies at a rate of one every few minutes. Even at full speed, girls can only manage one every 9 months and then she’s shackled to a fleshy, defenseless screaming little predator magnet. She still needs to be provided for and protected.
That’s why women frequently get knocked up by alphas, but marry the betas – because they get alpha genes in a stable beta household, I am the progeny of exactly such a union. That’s why alphas often die lonely and sad, and betas grow old, happy and fulfilled, wittingly or unwittingly raising someone else’s children.
Guys are biologically hard-wired to search for a new mate after they ejaculate (guys, you know what I’m talking about, you will all at one time or another have experienced that surprising and uncomfortable ‘Get me out of here’ feeling when you’re meant to be reveling in post-coital snuggles). No, girls, it doesn’t happen all the time, but when it does happen it’s a pretty horrible feeling. We don’t mind pretending to be assholes, but when it’s written into our genes we feel irksome.
Women are programmed to discard ineffective inseminators monthly (hence the PMS crankyness) and to change out effective inseminators every 7 years – presumably because at that stage the semen-spawn is relatively capable of surviving and contributing and doesn’t need daddy anymore.
Yet we invented religion (ugh, don’t get me started on that horrible cancer of humanity) and religion invented marriage, and now for social acceptability we’re all expected to contradict our evolutionary urges and couple for life or suffer eternal burnties and pointy poking and embarrassing perpetual pant-forgetting dreams and all manner of other horribility in hell.
So what can be done? Nothing, really. The women reading this disagree with almost every word of it, asserting that this is only young women, a certain kind of woman, or an inaccurate stereotype. They could accept it as slightly overstated, but reasonably accurate, and through that they might observe or alter these unconscious processes for a better future. The alphas reading this are bored and thinking: ‘Yeah, so what?’ The betas are amused and possibly inspired – but probably won’t do anything about it.
The worst class of guy is the one who thinks he’s an alpha but he’s really not. I met one just the other night, and it frustrated me muchly. He’s stuck in a cave-man mentality that you have to fight for your position in an aggressive and open way. For that annoying class of person I do have some actionable advice: Don’t compete.
When you’re standing in a group with an alpha running the conversation, don’t try to hijack the discussion, don’t try to isolate a girl in your own private little moment, and definitely don’t do obviously demeaning things like close ranks around him in an attempt to cut him out. All of those things are transparent demonstrations of your own lack of worth, and any girl you do single out will reluctantly sit listening to your boring tripe only until she has a socially acceptable ‘out’ – which is usually some secret girl-language sign for ‘Let’s go to the toilet and talk about how boring this guy is’
If you want to build your value in the group, join in on whatever line of conversation is running, and say something interesting about it. If the topic is beyond your areas of knowledge, steer it to familiar turf, or ask insightful questions about it. People who ask questions invariably appear more intelligent than people that try to sound intelligent.
Set someone else up for jokes, and dunk other people’s lay-ups. Be receptive to the vibe of the group, and keep it on high-energy topics. That way you both look funny, cooperative, perceptive and smart, but more importantly, you look confident. Truly confident guys aren’t threatened by other confident guys, they’re inspired by them. This all creates the powerful impression that you’re more interested in having a fun conversation than you are about chasing a girl. Bam! You’re now an alpha.
But, if you’re really desperately unhappy with who you are as a person, and you suffer from various negative self-perception delusions, you probably lack the requisite determination to make that metamorphosis. Just go to Thailand.
Some random guy from guide2nightlife.com - probably the kind of guy I'm talking about (Is the one on the left a lady boy?)
In Thailand, Western girls are ignored like men are in the West. It’s a shocking and rather amusing transition. The other night I was out with a group of legitimately gorgeous American and Canadian girls, each more stunning than the last. When they go out back home, they get to jump the queue and walk into clubs for free, and once inside they have drinks bought for them and they’re showered with compliments.
In Thailand, they’ve got to compete with the local Thai girls, who are treating the western men to all the attention they can handle. Bangkok is a fantastic confidence boost for a guy, particularly if you’re not morally opposed to paying for companionship. For these poor betas, the Western girls suddenly appear less attractive, because for the first time we see them for all their crazy self-defeating habits, bizarre expectations and over-inflated egos.
When the Western hotties go to clubs they’re forced to stand in line, and pay for their entry themselves. Then the must suffer the indignity of buying their own drinks and dancing with one another in a group, which strongly reminds them of how their gyrating gaggle always used to get mobbed by men, and how it isn’t now. The men are all off dancing with nice Thai girls, who compliment them and giggle with them and flirt with them openly. Some girls are just looking for a wealthy Western boyfriend, some looking for a more formal cash for time arrangement.
The hot Western girls hate it, and we love that. It’s about time they learned what it’s like for us blokes. Because even if you’re a reasonably attractive, funny, intelligent guy with a good job, a fast car and an extremely auspicious star-sign, you still rarely ever have girls hit on you in the west. Here, they’ve got to. Here, even the Western girls are forced to walk right up to you and try it on.
So reward them for their audacity, they deserve it. You remember how terrifying that is!
Check out Kaila’s blog (she’s the hot Canadian): http://www.blondetraveler.com/blog/311-white-diamonds-in-the-rough.html
You didn’t change much of the start which isn’t a bad thing, and i definitely like what you added after your first draft regarding your experiences in Thailand (after i left
) but you kind of changed the actual topic of your initially intended article. Which was the observation you made regarding extremely attractive Thai girls that are attached to the hip by older, actually much older Western guys (Let’s broaden that to attractive South-East Asian girls and not just Thai girls).. Perhaps i might do that one 
As that sort of ‘union’ as we may put it is just as common here in Vietnam as it is over there. It’s just on a grander scale in Bangkok extending to all corners of the city, whilst here in Saigon you have to go to particular areas to view the ludcirously high rate at which it happens… But then again i’ve never been much of a ‘blogger’ but always an avid writer, by the way nice *ahem* use of pictures – i actually searched my camera and had nothing relevant to contribute that would do justice to the article.. It was great spending time with you Harry, i hope we can do it again soon, perhaps next time on my ‘home-ground’ otherwise I might have to come back and visit you in India before who knows what may happen??…. One thing i fear is that people will mistake Ngoc for Indian too… she has a nice range don’t you think?
@Hale
Yeah, I was going to comment on that – but two things occurred to me. First: I couldn’t write intelligently about old ugly dudes with Thai girls unless I interviewed one, and then I couldn’t write about it without appearing to condone it, and: Secondly, I think the point about why they come here rather than what they do here is more universally relevant, so non-travelers can take something from it. I would love to include proper pics, and if you can send anything I’d love it.
Dear Harry,
Whilst I found your blog article to be well-written and concisely insightful, I must give my honest opinion… That may be the biggest load of drivel I have ever read. (And yes, I am female. And no, I don’t think that I’m an exception. You’re just wrong! Haha)
First of all, you seem to have been so focused on emphasising the differences in the behaviours of men and women, you didn’t realise that you were in fact highlighting how we are fundamentally the same. Compare/contrast the following phrases you wrote:
‘…prostitution, it’s just not for me because it removes the most important element of coupling: The chase, the uncertainty, the conquest.’
and
‘Girls always go for the wrong guy… Girls go for guys that don’t need them.’
Notice anything similar?
Women (Western women, just to clarify) are not attracted to men who are wrong for them, they simply feel the same desire for a challenge when engaging with a man. The stereotypical ‘Nice Guy / Beta male / Lovelorn Loser Who Doesn’t Get the Girl’ is not rejected due to the fact that he is a good guy and women want a bad guy; he is rejected because he offers no ‘thrill of the chase’. In the exact same way as if a prostitute is a ‘sure thing’ or when a ‘Nice girl’ becomes a Stage 5 clinger early in a relationship, the underlying theme is the same; Male or female, we all want what we can’t have. Our desire to attain the unattainable is what drives many of us in life. And the esteem we derive from eventually attaining it (if we have the courage and tenacity to be persistent in our quest for whatever our goal may be) is what provides us with the same sense of happiness and satisfaction (and produces the same endorphins) as falling in love does. Relationship conquests are the same as all of life’s other challenges. If it comes too easily, it mustn’t be worth having. Look at Olympic medals. If they were selling gold medals on the cheap on random street corners, they would lose their value pretty damn quickly. It is the knowledge that the talent and effort required to attain one makes you special. That’s what we all crave. People like to feel special, whether it may be to one person or many.
Thai girls are smart, because they have perfected the art of making a man feel special; as though he is the only man in the world they have eyes for. And yes, I agree with you to an extent about Western girls – many of them have been spoiled, but their tendency to act unattainable and eventually relent still has the same effect in the end; it makes the man feel special. Who is to say which dating methodology is better or worse? At the end of the day, ‘the game’ loses significance after the initial few weeks / months over which the courtship struggle for emotional power ensues, and all that is left are the true personalities of the people. If it’s meant to be, it will be. ‘The Game’ can get you so far, but it won’t make you go the distance.
By the way, quit getting over this ‘certain Aussie girl’ and give her a call!
Very funny Harry, some good observations. But I can’t help but feel like you are just a little bit jaded re men and women. Although we’re not as fun to write about, there are I think more of the ‘exception’ to the rule than perhaps you think. Also I think we are still in the wrong age group (ie too young) to assume that this is the way everyone is going to be, forever. Girls and even guys eventually grow up & learn whats important to them and stop being OK with being treated like crap by an emotional retard – particularly if in their peer group they can see an example of how that can work.
I honestly think that all the neurosis etc is all part of the process of finding someone that will stick around even despite all of that. Relationships are really hard work and not everyone wants to put in that effort all the time. And I think when you say the ‘beta’ wins for a moment or brings up an alpha’s children, isn’t that an example of both finding someone who is prepared to put in the hard work with you and then essentially becomes that woman’s alpha? If she stays with him and is in love and devoted to him, isn’t he then the alpha? Or are you defining an alpha more specifically as someone who scores and runs, is loud in pubs and is someone the woman falls in love with only to be heartbroken?
@Really?
Yeah, but no, but yeah. What you’re saying is right, and you’d know, but the reasoning is wrong.
We do like girls that are hard to get – because of the thrill of the chase, correct, but also because then we know they aren’t *ahem* sluts. That devalues them. A guy who can/has had many women is not similarly devalued – hence the reasoning for it is different. Guys will always take what they can get, so for a guy it’s a matter of developing the requisite skills to get better and better and better!
Alpha females are chosen by group consensus – she rarely has to fight for her place as much as gain the support of her peers. She cannot hold her position without the support of the group so she maintains it well – that’s what makes women nesters, and men hunters.
@Really?
Who are you, and what makes you think it’s you!?
PS: It’s definitely you.
@Selena
Thank you, from the one exception I mentioned.
But nah, it still stands. Doesn’t matter how old they are – because women still want the same thing their whole life. Admittedly, when they hit that magic baby button age, their needs change and they behave differently, but they will still aspire for the same thing, just in a hungry dog-on-heat kind of way.
Hey Harry….Being from India, there’s a much larger sect of non-alphaism with betas getting a large chunk of girls here. I don’t know how much the women who oppose your viewpoints are right vis-a-vis you, but I’ll put my money your having it right about a large percentage of the “hotter” women out there. (Peace to all women everywhere).
Aside from that, great post! Really enjoyed reading it.
Ajay (cobra from capo class)
Well, women love to compete with other women…we’re our own harshest critics. The competition among women is particularly high in Thailand because there are more women than men, especially in Bangkok. That being said, if one rises above the competing rabble, life becomes so much better – i.e. ignoring other women’s drive to be the prettiest, have the cutest and richest boyfriend. (and out here…big time emphasis on the aforementioned) After you’ve done this, there’s no need for desperate measures – the men just come to you and you can just delicately filter out the ones who you aren’t interested in. Or you can creatively approach the ones that seem interesting (which is quite fun, ladies).
Thai women fall into the following categories with little exception:
Group 1: the lowest – bar girls, prostitutes, girlfriend-prostitutes
These are the Thai women tourists first encounter. They hang around the bars and will be the first Thai girls (and only Thai girls) that will approach you. They come from poor families in the provinces and they want your money. Granted they come from very desperate, impoverished situations and their families expect them to send back money to support the rest of the family.
Group 2: middle/lower middle class who date foreigners
These women probably came from poor or lower middle class families but they have a university degree and decent jobs. They usually speak English pretty well and are fun, chill, up-for-anything types. There are good ones but some get around or expect to be supported as well.
Group 3: middle/upper middle class who usually don’t date foreigners
These are the “nice” Thai girls that you see walking around with “nice” Thai guys. Again, they can be spotted from a mile away. They come from good families and are well educated – often abroad or at international schools. You see them at int’l DJ events and festivals. They’re usually in their group and seemingly untouchable. In order to get one of these, you have to be friends with their friends. You can approach them but it’s a delicate art. They think that most foreign men are creepy (or as they say: squidlike) and come to Thailand for prostitutes, so you’d have to approach them in a friendly, completely non shady sort of way – keep your hands to yourself, don’t be too pushy or aggressive, etc. If you end up dating one keep in mind that she comes from a good family who will expect you to make commitments. You can’t dick around with these types. At the age of 27 their families will start putting big time pressure on them to get married.
Group 4: Hi So girls (i.e. High Society)
Don’t even try…unless you are a celebrity of some renown, it ain’t gonna happen. ^^
I was about to mount a defense with non-linear dynamics, mentioned it to my brother and he called me an idiot. So between you and my family I’ve no respect. Haha.
Whatever, you can’t make sweeping generalisations about dating anyway as everyone is different. Yes, I suppose the number of sexual partners thing is a persisting double-standard, however even as a woman I actually still agree with it. I’ll leave you with the following metaphor to make you smile – If a key can open a bunch of locks, it’s viewed as a master key, and is awesome to have. But if a lock can be opened by a lot of different keys, well that’s a pretty shitty lock if you ask me.
(Why, oh why I decided to share this with a man writing about alpha males who has the surname Key is beyond me. If I ever hear anything about an NLP guy in London or India or wherever calling himself ‘Master Key’ I am personally going to hunt you down and backhand you! haha)
Xx
This is your Aunt, by the way.
@Kim
Thanks for the insider info Kim! I guess that kind of dynamic is true everywhere, but in India there are very few women who fit into that pseudo-hooker category. It’s good to have the info!
@Really?
Thanks Really?, but my Aunt doesn’t have a brother, if she did I’d call him my uncle.
Love the Key/Lock analogy – I think I might just steal that idea, Master Key is a pretty bloody awesome name!
Harry,
I hate to disrupt your ‘how to be an alpha male and get all the chicks’ lesson, and even more than that, I hate to be this girl that you say thinks she is the only exception in the history of exceptions, but I am writing to prove you wrong. (surprise!!)
Your post is well-written, and even more importantly, well-thought out. It’s clear that you’re speaking from experience, which is the most valuable thing any of us can use in our prose. You eloquently state that men have, basically, only three routes to follow in order to get a girl. This would be convenient, were it true, but the thing is that it’s not quite so simple.
I will admit to be an alpha lover and that most women share my interest (though I would hesitate to say all). But let’s get it straight what exactly an alpha is.
You say that an alpha has to hold the attention of many women, and in order to convey that, he can’t shower a girl with attention or compliments, or he’ll fall back into beta status. I highly disagree. A guy can be an alpha, while still showing a girl he cares. In fact, girls demand it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve listened to my girlfriends complaining about their boyfriends being inattentive jerks, and you know what we all tell her? Dump his ass. And usually, she listens. When she finds a great guy of the John Cusack kind? Hang on to him!
Maybe it’s the case that there are different types of alphas. Sure, acting like he’s got the interest of many girls may work to get her attention, but the act gets old after a while, and she’s more likely to assume he’s a player and move on than run back to his arms when he comes calling again – once you’ve had your heart broken by too many mack daddies, you tend to steer clear.
The best kind of alphas are the ones who have enough confidence to show a girl the kind of love, respect and kindness she deserves. I speak for many women when I say: we don’t want to date an asshole. That said, I truly enjoyed your highly enlightening (I’m being totally sincere here) post on the inner workings of the male mind. I did, as you promised I would, laugh a bit and clench my fists just a little bit. Well done – I like a good counter.
- the hot Canadian
@Kaila
Thanks for the reply!!
I agree that girls want a nice guy, that’s why all the old-school romantic comedies showed a guy being nicer and nicer the more he fell in love with a girl (e.g: Ten Things)- but I’m not talking about what girls want, I’m talking (typing) about what they get.
All I’m saying is that girls tell us they want us to be nice, but then teach us to be pricks. I had one girlfriend that dumped me every time I became interested in her, and we could only remain together so long as I resented her a flirted with her friends. Every time I dumped her (yes it was highly dysfunctional) she became heart-wrenchingly enamoured again.
After having said all that, I would like to point out that I don’t mean pricks when I say pricks. I consider myself to be rather nice, and I do have a concern for people’s feelings, very much so. It’s just a matter of playing the game a bit to keep those feelings under wraps until you really get your hooks in.
I’m not very romantic, because I’ve only ever bought one diamond for a girl, who promptly dumped me (first girl to dump me in over 4 years). What does that teach me? Where is the lesson?
Sure, Selena, Kaila, and Ashlea – I might be jaded – but that doesn’t make me wrong.
You want to know something interesting? Well too bad. Here’s something boring: Depressed people actually see the world in more realistic terms, whereas non-depressed people suffer from positive self-delusion.
When tested on how others would rate their own likeability, humour, intelligence etc, depressed people on average scored more accurately than the deluded happy folk. They are less likely to be fooled by other people and more accurate at guessing the outcome of events (and how they’ll feel about them). Anorexics actually are more accurate at guessing their own visual attractiveness. What does that say about a jaded world-view: Not pretty, probably accurate.
So sure, there will always be this ‘oh there are exceptions’ – but Kaila, this is the vast majority of sexual relationships: Unequal and predictably insane.
It’s up to each person to decide whether they’re going to go hunting for that incredibly rare person with whom these games don’t apply – or to make the game work for you. The former has you at a statistical disadvantage, the latter just very difficult.
So, are you lucky, or are you talented, or are you screwed?
Harry.. you truly are a genius.
I am one of the american girls Harry talks about in this blog and I agree with what he is saying… although I think that everyone is different and we can all agree to that, this blog is pretty much true, not all of it I agree to 100% but a lot yes. I think that not only are women crazy but men are too, and in Thailand it seems the strangest rules to ‘the game’ apply. Thai guys are completely different than western men in a since that compares them to the Thai women, very attentive, etc. and if a girl fancies Thai guys can pull very very easily almost too easily, which makes the whole ‘game’ non-existent which inevitably turns a western girl off, going back to her feeling like Hello I am a hot ass girl, where is the guy whose supposed to be standing next to me at the bar buying my friends and I a drink, well those guys are here you just have to search a little harder for them (or don’t look for a cute western guy, find a cute Thai guy! much more of them available, hello this is Thailand not the western world!) because we aren’t in the western world anymore, we’re in South East ASIA where prostitution is just as notorious as spicy food and motorbikes… But I do have some news go to a Thai bar ladies and you will get plenty of offers! Rules don’t apply here so don’t play by them, the best rule I’ve learned in my 5 months as the hot american girl is do what you want, and have fun while doing it!
In Bangkok I have the Western girls buy me drinks all night, after which I disappear with a Thai hottie. I learned from the best!
Great blog, Harry and I couldn’t help but respond… Underlying your observations are several assumptions. You mention straight up that it is a “cynical yet accurate” portrayal of how the world works, which is completely valid when you understand that it is from your (Harry’s) experience. Fine. But with that comes several statements that I find a little devaluing for females in general and takes away from the strength of your argument/life view. Namely, the following comments:
(1) “Girls hate nice guys. … Girls go for guys that don’t need them.” I think this is a bit clichéd, or if not, then it is not taking into consideration the worth that a woman places on herself. That being, that if she hates nice guys, then it follows that she likes bad guys. Who likes bad guys? Honestly? If a woman truly likes to be treated badly then I would argue that she has issues with her own worth. Everyone, male or female, deserves to be treated with respect and consideration. If you don’t have that in a relationship, then … well, it’s beyond my comprehension. But I realise that this is being idealistic but still, I thought it was worth mentioning.
(2) “Girls love confidence” – confidence having been previously defined in terms of a guy paying less attention to one girl as he has several to attend to at any given time and thus leading to the woman being valued less. That’s confidence. Sure. Again, goes back to the previous point. If a woman thinks so little of herself that she would rather have the partial attention of an alpha male for the sake of showing him off to her friends and posting hot photos of the two of them as a profile pic on Facebook (did enjoy that blog too, Harry), well maybe she deserves what’s coming. But for (what I hope is the majority of women) the rest of us, I think confidence equates to something else. Confidence in this context would be having enough faith in yourself to stop playing The Game and be honest. Honest with yourself and your partner.
(3) A man betraying a woman serves as a mechanism for the woman wanting him more. There is a brief window of opportunity for the beta to jump in, unless the woman receives contact from the alpha, forgets all that has happened in the past and forgives said alpha and returns to him. The beta has lost his chance. Uh-huh. I dare say in this instance that more power to the beta guy – why would he want that girl in the first place? He should count his lucky stars that he got out of that situation. If she’s stupid enough to go back to the alpha guy, then too bad.
(4) That women when younger go for older guys – I think this is interesting and Selena mentioned this in her reply. I think some of your comments do really apply to a younger age group only. Creeping up into the late 20s, I’m actually finding that more of my female friends are actually with younger guys. This is my own theory that there is a bracket between 20-24 when guys are good for a relationship. Before then, they are… well boys, you know how you are at that age. After the age of 24, they have undoubtedly been in their own long-term relationship and revert back to their pre-20 state. Thus, several of my 27-35 year-old female friends are with guys in the green-zone of 20-24. And please don’t read into this ‘cougar’. These are legitimate, loving relationships that I hope go the distance.
(5) After a woman has gotten herself knocked up (right, because we choose to get knocked up – the very term “knocked up” induces images of a sleazy one night stand – yes sleazy, not an alpha male induced state of lust and passion – and the woman has to live with this mistake for the rest of her life. I’m not meaning to demean the life of the child, just that it’s not the ideal situation). So after this, the woman, and I quote “she still needs to be provided for and protected”. It’s 2010 right? Not 1810? Just checking. I’m trying very hard not to continue to point out all the problems with this comment.
(6) Marriage… “contradicts our evolutionary urges”. I beg to differ – I know, and have met, many men who are just as keen on marriage as the stereotypical woman of child-bearing age. Marriage (I’m not even going to touch the religion comment) is as much a commercial contract as a love and romance union… hmmm… I think that’s a separate topic. Moving on.
(7) Just wanted to agree with Really?’s comments about your observations about double standards towards men and women who sleep around. Men = awesome. Women = slut. Sad but true.
Look forward to your next blog x
@ Fleur
Well, as for points 1, 2 and 3 – then yes, I agree with you. My view is of people who value and/or fear for their self esteem. We are all bound by how we are perceived, and we all struggle constantly with our own self-worth. I know I do, and I’m an arrogant prick. Many of the decisions people make every day are a result of fear. Guys suffer it too, we suffer it not with the women we choose (though some do) but with the size of our penis or the fast-ness of our car, or the fancy-ness of our job. The majority of the confusion and pain and suffering in the world is a result of low self-worth.
Point 4: I too had hoped that these things changed with age, but they don’t – what happens is the focus shifts, and that is not a result of maturity as much as it is a logical and biological urge to settle for a beta. She writes about it: http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200803/single-marry
Point 5: The point I was making was about the stone age. That was intentional, our physiology (genetically) hasn’t changed even 1% since then, so our primal urges and behaviour are the same as they were then. That bonding behaviour took millennia to evolve, what makes you think that a few thousand years of book writing and dancing and painting has changed that?
Point 6: I didn’t say marriage contradicted male evolutionary urges, it contradicts all of them. Ciggarettes and body piercing also contradicts our urges to survive and avoid pain, yet I know girls and guys with all manner of piercings. I saw a woman smoke a cigarette with her hoo-hoo last night in Bangkok!
Point 7: Yes there are double standards. We are not equal. Men are expendable, women are valuable. That’s why men run fast and fight better and people care less when we die. On top of that, there is religion, which has been oppressing women since it began, because when it started, we had become agricultural and hence patriarchal. Hunter gatherer religions (like in Africa where big game hasn’t died out) are still quite matriarchal.
Next blog: ‘How technology is building god’
Just coming back again to a point you responded to Fleur’s comment, you stated “My view is of people who value and/or fear for their self esteem” – correct me if I’m wrong, but your blog was regarding women in general, and you made the assumption that the majority of women (exceptions aside) are therefore falling into the category of low self esteem which is precisely where fleur’s arguments in point 1, 2 and 3 are relevant. So you’re agreeing with her very well explained objections to those examples you had originally written in the blog itself?
Also, I couldn’t let a comment like “Doesn’t matter how old they are – because women still want the same thing their whole life” go without saying… enlighten me, what is it that women want Harry? I mean, this point could be argued from many different angles but I would say you are talking about what a human being wants rather than just women – which I guess boils down to being loved and not having to fear for their survival or the survival of those close to them. But if you are claiming you know what women want in this modern day and age and how that relates to men, then I would love to hear it!
@ Selena
Yes, again: I am not saying all people have low self-esteem. Many do. Most. Almost all.
But we all act to maintain self-esteem and preserve self-worth. Yes, this is common among people young and old – and includes everyone except the mentally infirm. The way we behave differs from men to women, and from young to old.
Sure, older women will ‘settle’ as I was pointing out with my link (written by just such a woman) but that is a conscious choice based on a shift in needs. When nesting is more important than having the alpha, they will slap a ring on a beta. Nothing wrong with that.
Hey Harry,
Haven’t got time to read the comments, so this is a mere comment on your blog. My response? I really really liked it. I suspect that those crazy white girls who do manage to snatch an ‘alpha male’ end up unhappily married anyway, so no need for us female singletons to envy them. I have seen it among my female friends. The alpha male, even when snared and married, remains a selfish ignorant unfaithful pig post marriage and the woman is condemned to a life of mild depression living with him. Nothing changes after marriage – it is the same as before…I have seen these alpha male belittling their wives, keeping them on tenterhooks, not phoning etc..post marriage. In short we should find and marry beta men, as you suggest. Thanks for the advice..I have to say men are just as guilty of going for the wrong women and being permanently unhappy too. I find a lot of men go for women “less intelligent” than they are (which tho hard to find, they do exist:)) and so these men also end up ultimately unfulfilled…Why don’t men just try and go for more intelligent women?! Would perhaps surprise them…Men are pretty shallow in that they go for looks and sex mainly, again which is ultimately unfulfilling…men are basically immature. It wouldd be great if they could evaluate women as a complete whole, rather than on mere looks and realise there isn’t much you can do with a doll or ornament, but a lot you can do with an interesting person. Anyway, sigh. What difference will my views make?
On a separate note, not sure what you men find so fascinating about giggly, thin, immature Thai women….If I was a guy I would far rather date an educated, bright, emancipate, curvaceous western woman…I met an Italian guy who had married a Thai woman once and he was unhappy. After all, who wants to be married to a doormat?
Excellent! If I could write like this I would be well happpy. The more I read articles of such quality as this (which is rare), the more I think there might be a future for the Web. Keep it up, as it were.