Comments on: Why white girls are crazy for alphas, and betas love Bangkok

By: Anton Kaopua

Anton Kaopua — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 23:30:30 +0000

Excellent! If I could write like this I would be well happpy. The more I read articles of such quality as this (which is rare), the more I think there might be a future for the Web. Keep it up, as it were.

By: Naomi

Naomi — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 15:11:06 +0000

On a separate note, not sure what you men find so fascinating about giggly, thin, immature Thai women….If I was a guy I would far rather date an educated, bright, emancipate, curvaceous western woman…I met an Italian guy who had married a Thai woman once and he was unhappy. After all, who wants to be married to a doormat?

By: Naomi

Naomi — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 13:52:29 +0000

Hey Harry,
Haven’t got time to read the comments, so this is a mere comment on your blog. My response? I really really liked it. I suspect that those crazy white girls who do manage to snatch an ‘alpha male’ end up unhappily married anyway, so no need for us female singletons to envy them. I have seen it among my female friends. The alpha male, even when snared and married, remains a selfish ignorant unfaithful pig post marriage and the woman is condemned to a life of mild depression living with him. Nothing changes after marriage – it is the same as before…I have seen these alpha male belittling their wives, keeping them on tenterhooks, not phoning etc..post marriage. In short we should find and marry beta men, as you suggest. Thanks for the advice..I have to say men are just as guilty of going for the wrong women and being permanently unhappy too. I find a lot of men go for women “less intelligent” than they are (which tho hard to find, they do exist:)) and so these men also end up ultimately unfulfilled…Why don’t men just try and go for more intelligent women?! Would perhaps surprise them…Men are pretty shallow in that they go for looks and sex mainly, again which is ultimately unfulfilling…men are basically immature. It wouldd be great if they could evaluate women as a complete whole, rather than on mere looks and realise there isn’t much you can do with a doll or ornament, but a lot you can do with an interesting person. Anyway, sigh. What difference will my views make?

By: Harry

Harry — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 16:26:29 +0000

@ Selena
Yes, again: I am not saying all people have low self-esteem. Many do. Most. Almost all.
But we all act to maintain self-esteem and preserve self-worth. Yes, this is common among people young and old – and includes everyone except the mentally infirm. The way we behave differs from men to women, and from young to old.
Sure, older women will ‘settle’ as I was pointing out with my link (written by just such a woman) but that is a conscious choice based on a shift in needs. When nesting is more important than having the alpha, they will slap a ring on a beta. Nothing wrong with that.

By: Selena

Selena — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 12:50:35 +0000

Just coming back again to a point you responded to Fleur’s comment, you stated “My view is of people who value and/or fear for their self esteem” – correct me if I’m wrong, but your blog was regarding women in general, and you made the assumption that the majority of women (exceptions aside) are therefore falling into the category of low self esteem which is precisely where fleur’s arguments in point 1, 2 and 3 are relevant. So you’re agreeing with her very well explained objections to those examples you had originally written in the blog itself?
Also, I couldn’t let a comment like “Doesn’t matter how old they are – because women still want the same thing their whole life” go without saying… enlighten me, what is it that women want Harry? I mean, this point could be argued from many different angles but I would say you are talking about what a human being wants rather than just women – which I guess boils down to being loved and not having to fear for their survival or the survival of those close to them. But if you are claiming you know what women want in this modern day and age and how that relates to men, then I would love to hear it!

By: Harry

Harry — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 07:21:53 +0000

@ Fleur
Well, as for points 1, 2 and 3 – then yes, I agree with you. My view is of people who value and/or fear for their self esteem. We are all bound by how we are perceived, and we all struggle constantly with our own self-worth. I know I do, and I’m an arrogant prick. Many of the decisions people make every day are a result of fear. Guys suffer it too, we suffer it not with the women we choose (though some do) but with the size of our penis or the fast-ness of our car, or the fancy-ness of our job. The majority of the confusion and pain and suffering in the world is a result of low self-worth.
Point 4: I too had hoped that these things changed with age, but they don’t – what happens is the focus shifts, and that is not a result of maturity as much as it is a logical and biological urge to settle for a beta. She writes about it: http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200803/single-marry
Point 5: The point I was making was about the stone age. That was intentional, our physiology (genetically) hasn’t changed even 1% since then, so our primal urges and behaviour are the same as they were then. That bonding behaviour took millennia to evolve, what makes you think that a few thousand years of book writing and dancing and painting has changed that?
Point 6: I didn’t say marriage contradicted male evolutionary urges, it contradicts all of them. Ciggarettes and body piercing also contradicts our urges to survive and avoid pain, yet I know girls and guys with all manner of piercings. I saw a woman smoke a cigarette with her hoo-hoo last night in Bangkok!
Point 7: Yes there are double standards. We are not equal. Men are expendable, women are valuable. That’s why men run fast and fight better and people care less when we die. On top of that, there is religion, which has been oppressing women since it began, because when it started, we had become agricultural and hence patriarchal. Hunter gatherer religions (like in Africa where big game hasn’t died out) are still quite matriarchal.
Next blog: ‘How technology is building god’

By: Fleur

Fleur — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 06:05:27 +0000

Great blog, Harry and I couldn’t help but respond… Underlying your observations are several assumptions. You mention straight up that it is a “cynical yet accurate” portrayal of how the world works, which is completely valid when you understand that it is from your (Harry’s) experience. Fine. But with that comes several statements that I find a little devaluing for females in general and takes away from the strength of your argument/life view. Namely, the following comments:
(1) “Girls hate nice guys. … Girls go for guys that don’t need them.” I think this is a bit clichéd, or if not, then it is not taking into consideration the worth that a woman places on herself. That being, that if she hates nice guys, then it follows that she likes bad guys. Who likes bad guys? Honestly? If a woman truly likes to be treated badly then I would argue that she has issues with her own worth. Everyone, male or female, deserves to be treated with respect and consideration. If you don’t have that in a relationship, then … well, it’s beyond my comprehension. But I realise that this is being idealistic but still, I thought it was worth mentioning.
(2) “Girls love confidence” – confidence having been previously defined in terms of a guy paying less attention to one girl as he has several to attend to at any given time and thus leading to the woman being valued less. That’s confidence. Sure. Again, goes back to the previous point. If a woman thinks so little of herself that she would rather have the partial attention of an alpha male for the sake of showing him off to her friends and posting hot photos of the two of them as a profile pic on Facebook (did enjoy that blog too, Harry), well maybe she deserves what’s coming. But for (what I hope is the majority of women) the rest of us, I think confidence equates to something else. Confidence in this context would be having enough faith in yourself to stop playing The Game and be honest. Honest with yourself and your partner.
(3) A man betraying a woman serves as a mechanism for the woman wanting him more. There is a brief window of opportunity for the beta to jump in, unless the woman receives contact from the alpha, forgets all that has happened in the past and forgives said alpha and returns to him. The beta has lost his chance. Uh-huh. I dare say in this instance that more power to the beta guy – why would he want that girl in the first place? He should count his lucky stars that he got out of that situation. If she’s stupid enough to go back to the alpha guy, then too bad.
(4) That women when younger go for older guys – I think this is interesting and Selena mentioned this in her reply. I think some of your comments do really apply to a younger age group only. Creeping up into the late 20s, I’m actually finding that more of my female friends are actually with younger guys. This is my own theory that there is a bracket between 20-24 when guys are good for a relationship. Before then, they are… well boys, you know how you are at that age. After the age of 24, they have undoubtedly been in their own long-term relationship and revert back to their pre-20 state. Thus, several of my 27-35 year-old female friends are with guys in the green-zone of 20-24. And please don’t read into this ‘cougar’. These are legitimate, loving relationships that I hope go the distance.
(5) After a woman has gotten herself knocked up (right, because we choose to get knocked up – the very term “knocked up” induces images of a sleazy one night stand – yes sleazy, not an alpha male induced state of lust and passion – and the woman has to live with this mistake for the rest of her life. I’m not meaning to demean the life of the child, just that it’s not the ideal situation). So after this, the woman, and I quote “she still needs to be provided for and protected”. It’s 2010 right? Not 1810? Just checking. I’m trying very hard not to continue to point out all the problems with this comment.
(6) Marriage… “contradicts our evolutionary urges”. I beg to differ – I know, and have met, many men who are just as keen on marriage as the stereotypical woman of child-bearing age. Marriage (I’m not even going to touch the religion comment) is as much a commercial contract as a love and romance union… hmmm… I think that’s a separate topic. Moving on.
(7) Just wanted to agree with Really?’s comments about your observations about double standards towards men and women who sleep around. Men = awesome. Women = slut. Sad but true.
Look forward to your next blog x

By: Bob

Bob — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 10:33:52 +0000

In Bangkok I have the Western girls buy me drinks all night, after which I disappear with a Thai hottie. I learned from the best!

By: Jenny

Jenny — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 13:10:18 +0000

I am one of the american girls Harry talks about in this blog and I agree with what he is saying… although I think that everyone is different and we can all agree to that, this blog is pretty much true, not all of it I agree to 100% but a lot yes. I think that not only are women crazy but men are too, and in Thailand it seems the strangest rules to ‘the game’ apply. Thai guys are completely different than western men in a since that compares them to the Thai women, very attentive, etc. and if a girl fancies Thai guys can pull very very easily almost too easily, which makes the whole ‘game’ non-existent which inevitably turns a western girl off, going back to her feeling like Hello I am a hot ass girl, where is the guy whose supposed to be standing next to me at the bar buying my friends and I a drink, well those guys are here you just have to search a little harder for them (or don’t look for a cute western guy, find a cute Thai guy! much more of them available, hello this is Thailand not the western world!) because we aren’t in the western world anymore, we’re in South East ASIA where prostitution is just as notorious as spicy food and motorbikes… But I do have some news go to a Thai bar ladies and you will get plenty of offers! Rules don’t apply here so don’t play by them, the best rule I’ve learned in my 5 months as the hot american girl is do what you want, and have fun while doing it!

By: Yogi

Yogi — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 10:28:08 +0000

Harry.. you truly are a genius.