Why white girls are crazy for alphas, and betas love Bangkok

February 2, 2010 in Rants, Travel by

Through the pulsing haze of smoke, a stunning Thai girl was dancing seductively and whipping her hair at me.

“She’s gotta be a hooker” I told my mate Hale.

“Nah, she just thinks you’re hot.” he retorted.

“I know how hot I am mate, and I’ve never been that hot, particularly not in the eyes of someone like her”

Hale’s been one of my best mates since school days. He’s fully Australian to Vietnamese and Korean parents, so he looks Asian and sounds Aussie. He’d moved to Vietnam and found himself a gorgeous Vietnamese girlfriend, and he was certain that the best way for me to get over a certain Aussie girl was to find myself a nice Asian one. I wasn’t too averse to the idea, because some Thai girls are bloody gorgeous, and funny, but the idea of paying for one can go to buggery (Buggery is not a real place).

Sure enough, after some prolonged eye-contact and a little bit of a dance, the sexy Thai girl said “I think you think don’t pay me” – which I relayed to Hale. Hale seemed to think that meant she didn’t want my money, I was fairly sure it meant she did want money, but was uncertain whether I was going to give it.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with prostitution, it’s just not for me because it removes the most important element of coupling: The chase, the uncertainty, the conquest. For me the physical act is hardly enjoyable without that wonderful knowledge that this gorgeous girl has chosen me – and that is valuable for exactly the same reason that the sex trade is huge business: Because women are crazy and unpredictable.

My explanation for the lunacy of womankind is as follows: Girls always go for the wrong guy, so if you’re the right guy you’ve gotta pretend that you’re wrong to get her. The right guy sees his girl and the rest of the world goes out of focus, the music starts, and he gets all doe-eyed. He showers her with attention, compliments and completely forsakes all other women, hell, a really enamoured right guy doesn’t even look at other girls. But despite the bullshit that stupid rom-coms try to feed us, the reality is quite ugly. Girls hate nice guys.

It is the age of the alpha

Girls go for guys that don’t need them – because girls go for alpha males. Alpha males enjoy the attention of many women (that’s what makes them an alpha), and can’t afford to invest themselves with just one. For that reason, he values them all that little bit less – he’s less attentive, less complimentary, and generally less attainable. When girls say they love confidence, that’s what they’re really talking about.

And it drives us nuts. It’s bloody nightmarish and annoying even if you can gain that toehold on supremacy and ascend to become the alpha. That alone is hard, you’ve got to be permanently on your game, responsive, perceptive, funny, loud and confident – but once you’re there, and you have the choice and you can get the girl, you’re still bound by the same ridiculous rules that got you there.

If you start showing her too much attention, you immediately relinquish your position of power and tumble back down into the bickering and snarling ranks of the betas, to be stuck there until you change social group because your descent is always more memorable than the climb: “What did she do to him? He’s an empty husk of the man he used to be.”

But the legitimately nice guys that girls always whinge about not existing are out there, frustrated and invisible. They are the shoulders you girls cry on when another asshole alpha brushes you aside for one of the other girls in his bevvy. Through that act he reinforces his value as an alpha – and that smashes your heart to pieces, because his betrayal only served to make you want him more.

At that stage, quite often the girl will turn to her beta best friend and give him a go. After all, she needs a confidence booster – and he’s always reliable when it comes to telling her she looks great, and he always calls when he’s meant to, and maybe that’ll be fun for a change. At this point, sometimes, there comes love – real love, if there’s time.

But it’d better be quick, because the asshole that just dumped her learns of this relationship and suddenly fears losing one of his harem and lowering his value, he quickly starts charming her again, sending her messages filled with flattering platitudes. Shocked by his sudden change of behaviour she thinks “He never did this before, he must’ve changed” and goes back to him. Then follows a horrible, ego destroying hell-ride which he, she and the beta finish only to find that they’ve lost all their friends and they not only hate themselves, but also each other.

Boys have grown up through school with the girls their age all dating older guys, losing their virginity and then blubbing endlessly about how all men are assholes – and then we see it: It’s not a coincidence that the nice guys are all single, girls don’t just coincidentally happen to find themselves dating prick after prick, they look for them.

It’s why ‘The Game’ is such huge business, the pick up artists, the social seduction gurus, the dodgy NLP dating guides, they all make a fortune teaching these pseudo-alpha skills to beta males. The trick is to learn how to behave like an alpha to get the girl, and then be happy becoming a beta when you get her. The problem is that the regression isn’t nearly as fun as the ascension, and turning back isn’t always desirable.

Plus there is the fear that after a long emotional history of being rejected, the trained up beta won’t be able to avoid the sneaking suspicion that there must be something wrong with her, that old Oscar Wilde feeling of “I would not belong to a club that want me as a member”

There is a third choice. Nerdy, pudgy, old and socially inept men from all over the world come to Bangkok to experience the only exception to the mind boggling absurdity that is the female brain. Here, those thoughtful, kind, considerate pathetic betas can find a gorgeous, funny, young Thai girl – and no matter how nice he is to her, she still likes him. Even if he buys her a nice piece of jewelery, takes her for a romantic meal and lines her pockets with cash, she’ll still love him. Finally, he can treat a girl the way he wants to, and she’ll appreciate it.

Sure, it does seem a bit weird to me that they take their hooker our to dinner, where they hold hands and gaze longingly into one another’s eyes, but on another level I totally get it, and it’s all your fault, women. Be less crazy.

Reduce craziness by half.

Sure, there are exceptions. There always are, two of my closest friends are a remarkable exception – but they aren’t nearly as enjoyable to write about. The fact of the matter is that guys as quick at it as me are biologically capable of creating babies at a rate of one every few minutes. Even at full speed, girls can only manage one every 9 months and then she’s shackled to a fleshy, defenseless screaming little predator magnet. She still needs to be provided for and protected.

That’s why women frequently get knocked up by alphas, but marry the betas – because they get alpha genes in a stable beta household, I am the progeny of exactly such a union. That’s why alphas often die lonely and sad, and betas grow old, happy and fulfilled, wittingly or unwittingly raising someone else’s children.

Guys are biologically hard-wired to search for a new mate after they ejaculate (guys, you know what I’m talking about, you will all at one time or another have experienced that surprising and uncomfortable ‘Get me out of here’ feeling when you’re meant to be reveling in post-coital snuggles). No, girls, it doesn’t happen all the time, but when it does happen it’s a pretty horrible feeling. We don’t mind pretending to be assholes, but when it’s written into our genes we feel irksome.

Women are programmed to discard ineffective inseminators monthly (hence the PMS crankyness) and to change out effective inseminators every 7 years – presumably because at that stage the semen-spawn is relatively capable of surviving and contributing and doesn’t need daddy anymore.

Yet we invented religion (ugh, don’t get me started on that horrible cancer of humanity) and religion invented marriage, and now for social acceptability we’re all expected to contradict our evolutionary urges and couple for life or suffer eternal burnties and pointy poking and embarrassing perpetual pant-forgetting dreams and all manner of other horribility in hell.

So what can be done? Nothing, really. The women reading this disagree with almost every word of it, asserting that this is only young women, a certain kind of woman, or an inaccurate stereotype. They could accept it as slightly overstated, but reasonably accurate, and through that they might observe or alter these unconscious processes for a better future. The alphas reading this are bored and thinking: ‘Yeah, so what?’ The betas are amused and possibly inspired – but probably won’t do anything about it.

The worst class of guy is the one who thinks he’s an alpha but he’s really not. I met one just the other night, and it frustrated me muchly. He’s stuck in a cave-man mentality that you have to fight for your position in an aggressive and open way. For that annoying class of person I do have some actionable advice: Don’t compete.

When you’re standing in a group with an alpha running the conversation, don’t try to hijack the discussion, don’t try to isolate a girl in your own private little moment, and definitely don’t do obviously demeaning things like close ranks around him in an attempt to cut him out. All of those things are transparent demonstrations of your own lack of worth, and any girl you do single out will reluctantly sit listening to your boring tripe only until she has a socially acceptable ‘out’ – which is usually some secret girl-language sign for ‘Let’s go to the toilet and talk about how boring this guy is’

If you want to build your value in the group, join in on whatever line of conversation is running, and say something interesting about it. If the topic is beyond your areas of knowledge, steer it to familiar turf, or ask insightful questions about it. People who ask questions invariably appear more intelligent than people that try to sound intelligent.

Set someone else up for jokes, and dunk other people’s lay-ups. Be receptive to the vibe of the group, and keep it on high-energy topics. That way you both look funny, cooperative, perceptive and smart, but more importantly, you look confident. Truly confident guys aren’t threatened by other confident guys, they’re inspired by them. This all creates the powerful impression that you’re more interested in having a fun conversation than you are about chasing a girl. Bam! You’re now an alpha.

But, if you’re really desperately unhappy with who you are as a person, and you suffer from various negative self-perception delusions, you probably lack the requisite determination to make that metamorphosis. Just go to Thailand.

Some random guy from guide2nightlife.com - probably the kind of guy I'm talking about (Is the one on the left a lady boy?)

In Thailand, Western girls are ignored like men are in the West. It’s a shocking and rather amusing transition. The other night I was out with a group of legitimately gorgeous American and Canadian girls, each more stunning than the last. When they go out back home, they get to jump the queue and walk into clubs for free, and once inside they have drinks bought for them and they’re showered with compliments.

In Thailand, they’ve got to compete with the local Thai girls, who are treating the western men to all the attention they can handle. Bangkok is a fantastic confidence boost for a guy, particularly if you’re not morally opposed to paying for companionship. For these poor betas, the Western girls suddenly appear less attractive, because for the first time we see them for all their crazy self-defeating habits, bizarre expectations and over-inflated egos.

When the Western hotties go to clubs they’re forced to stand in line, and pay for their entry themselves. Then the must suffer the indignity of buying their own drinks and dancing with one another in a group, which strongly reminds them of how their gyrating gaggle always used to get mobbed by men, and how it isn’t now. The men are all off dancing with nice Thai girls, who compliment them and giggle with them and flirt with them openly. Some girls are just looking for a wealthy Western boyfriend, some looking for a more formal cash for time arrangement.

The hot Western girls hate it, and we love that. It’s about time they learned what it’s like for us blokes. Because even if you’re a reasonably attractive, funny, intelligent guy with a good job, a fast car and an extremely auspicious star-sign, you still rarely ever have girls hit on you in the west. Here, they’ve got to. Here, even the Western girls are forced to walk right up to you and try it on.

So reward them for their audacity, they deserve it. You remember how terrifying that is!

Check out Kaila’s blog (she’s the hot Canadian): http://www.blondetraveler.com/blog/311-white-diamonds-in-the-rough.html